I've been so down lately and I don't know why. I wish I could figure it out, but I don't know how. I want to isolate myself, but I'm scared of being alone. I want to figure it out, but I'm scared of losing you. I'm sitting here with all these bottled up thoughts.. mostly contradictory ones, thinking about how useless I am. If this is growing up, I fucking hate it. Even though there are many great responsibilities and opportunities that co-relate with growing up.. I'd trade it all to be a kid and not care about anything anymore. And anything including, getting hurt.. feeling emotions.. stress from school, friends, parents. After what? 2-3 years of coping with the same bullshit, I have yet to find an intelligent way to deal with it. I've tried different things like putting up a front and pretending I don't care, all the way to releasing my pain physically by punching shit and fighting with my brothers. but it seems that nothing works. And it all comes down to these two questions. Who am I and most importantly, who am I growing up to be?