I hate how I could have everything I want and more and still feel that deep deep deep down, in that untouched preserved spot.. I'm missing something. Life could be going so great right now, I could have great grades, no arguements/fights, I could be rich.. and I swear.. this feeling would still remain. I don't know how to get rid of it, it's like trying to get rid of something that you can't see, but only feel . It feels helpless. Just like how I'm feeling right now, no I didn't drop out.. but I got kicked out of school and feel utterly useless.. pathetic.. and worthless. As much as I try to do something a little bit more productive.. nothing ever works out. Can't even get a job if I went job hunting 3 times a week which I've probably done already. Can't get the motivation to work out, do something active. I feel like I'm slowly becoming a bum in my own house. People, and some friends just passing by droping their 2 cents in my hobo cup =( ugh.. Don't even know what to doooooooooooooooooo.